Clinically Depressed
Yes, that is my diagnosis. After almost a year of not feeling like myself and never being able to shake the constant feeling of sadness and depression, I finally admitted something was wrong. I came to the realization that whatever was causing those feelings was not something that I could over come on my own and I needed outside help. So I had my first meeting with a psychologist today and she confirmed my feelings. She gave me a recommendation for a psychiatrist (like a psychologist but they can prescribe medication) and I will be making an appointment with them for the near future.
Somehow it feels so much better now that someone else has affirmed my feelings and agrees with what I already thought. I told the psychologist how I feel like everything in my life is going extremely well and I am very blessed in many ways but can still never shake that feeling of sadness. About how I sometimes come home from work and cry on the couch or in bed because I feel like just making it through another day has completely worn me out emotionally. I told her about my amazing husband that tries to talk to me and figure out what I'm feeling and would do anything to make me better. About my wonderful church family and all the amazing relationships I have formed. But it kept coming back to that one thing: the depression. The feeling that I hadn't been able to shake for over a year, no matter how amazing the good times were (getting married, honeymooning in Jamaica). About how I often feel like a shell of myself, feeling like I'm observing my life from a distance rather than being a participant.
She said it seems like I'm a good candidate for some anti-depressant medication. I told her I was totally fine with taking them if that would help me feel more like myself again. I know many people have very strong feelings about anti-depressants, but I look at it like taking medicine for a cold or for high blood pressure. You wouldn't not treat your high blood pressure if it was affecting you, so why not treat a chemical imbalance in your brain?
I will continue updating about my journey battling depression. A huge thanks to my amazing husband and friends and family for the support. Definitely couldn't do it without y'all.
